things you shouldn't say to the Cullens
by save a whale ride a hale
Summary: Here are some things you should never say to the cullens. Some are funny! read and review PLEASE!
1. things you shouldn't say to Emmett

Things you shouldn't say to the Cullens

**Emmett**

"BITE ME EMMETT!!"

Ask him how many houses he and rose have destroyed. (it's a VERY big number, so big Emmett can't count to it. you'll be there forever).

Grizzly bears are extinct.

All sports have been outlawed

Rose will never have sex EVER again

Rose slept with Jacob after she swore not to have sex

Jacob was better than him

Ask if he knows any good p**n sites. (You will be there forever)

Tell him cheese man is coming to get him (if you've read Orphan Ashley's CullenIzing Instant Message you will understand)

NEVER sing "Boom boom boom" by Venga Boys to Emmett (unless your Rosalie)

**Read and review. If you have any ideas, send them to me (you shall receive all praise). I think I may do Edward next.**


	2. things you shouldn't say or do to Jasper

Things you shouldn't say/or do to the Cullens

**Jasper**

sing crank that (Soljua boy) every time he walks past.

play crank that (soljua boy) by Alvin and the chipmunks and tell him that's how he sounds

Tell him Maria wants him back

"Cheer up emo kid"

Tell him the confederates shouldn't have one

List all the good things about the union

Paint his room and motorbike with the union sign and blame Maria.

Sign him up for the "I love the Union" fan club

Change his display name to "Maria's bitch"

Buy a dog, leave to go hunting and tell jasper to look after it. (believe me when you get back, the dog WILL NOT be there)

When you do go hunting tell him he's NOT allowed to eat the dog otherwise they'll take him to the Union convention.

When you come back and see Jasper huddled in the corner chanting....DON'T EAT THE DOG!!.......DON'T EAT THE DOG!! Say, "Now that wasn't so hard."

**Ok I know I said I was gonna do Edward but I had to do Jasper, I'll do Edward soon. Read and Review PLEASE!!!**


	3. things you shouldn't say or do to Edward

Things you shouldn't say/or do to the Cullens

**Edward**

Tell him, Emmett was trying to run over cheese man and ended up crashing the car into the lake.

Tell him, it's now stranded on First Beach at La Push

Tell him everything Jacob told you about what Nessie and him did last night

Scream it out in your head so he can't escape the perverted thoughts

Tell Edward Esme and Carlisle did 'it' on his piano

Sing "Get out of my head" by Ashlee Simpson every time Edward is around.

Tell him Bella has once again gotten in trouble. (Watch him squirm)

tell him the Volturi summoned Bella for exsicution (He'll be out of the country before you finish the sentence)

Emmett videotaped Edward and Bella doing 'it'.

He then sent it to everyone

INCLUDING NESSIE!! (Emmett is dead)

Run around the house screaming that Bella was just bitten by a werewolf

Then sit back and laugh when he runs outside and sees Bella in the cottage. (WARNING: you may want to run for your life)

Send Tanya a love letter from 'Edward' and then comes to the house to proclaim her love.

**Thank you anna123 (hugs anna) for you help for Edward's list. Read and Review. Send me some funny things for the other characters if you have some.**


	4. things you shuld say or do to alice

Things you shouldn't say to the Cullens

**Alice**

Burn all of her clothes (Warning: You may want to leave the country)

When she asks you if you want to go shopping say, "Didn't you hear? All the malls have been torn down."

Watch her freak out

Keep changing your mind

Tell her shopping is now a crime as is punishable by fashion death (aka making her weaning ugly clothes)

Tell her Jasper just ran away with Maria

Greet her with, "How's it hanging shrimp?"

Tell her, her Bella Barbie doll is broken (aka Bella's dead)

Constantly ask her what is was like to be human

When she snaps at you say, "Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Take away her Porsche

**Thank you to xxMidnightWriterxx and ellsCullen writes reviews for their help. If anyone else has ideas, you know what to do ;)**


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